Sweet Fascination..Inspired by you.

This feeling takes over your,mind,body, and everything else. You can not control it, or can you? It's threaded deep inside of you, that sometimes makes people think you are insane. This feeling and emotion makes you do or think things you normally would never consider. It is the beginning for life for most. You rely on it to survive. Hoping the people around you feel it. It can be the end of life for others. You feel it so strongly and when it disappears you don't know how to handle yourself. This feeling gives you the ability to forgive others when they do you wrong.It makes you see the best in someone even when they don't see it themselves. Most people think this is the high achivement in life. Some people take it for granted and use it to hurt others. This emotion can be deceiving and cause pain. Whether you know it or not, it's like another human inside of us. Living deep down. It can be an angel when you properly give it the engery it needs to live. It may also be a demon, when treated improperly. Causing pain,self-infliction of hurt and tears. Everyone has the ability to bring this human like emotion that lives inside of us out. The question is how... Addictions,games,careers,violence, these are how... most would like to think by joining another deep hidden human in another person. How is this thing that lives inside all of us, the thing thats so driven to come out,something to be afraid of? In one way or another all humans are driven in life by this...so why are we afraid? To most this won't make since what so ever, to those who do, don't be afraid , embrace it while you can.....
False receptions that brought on these questions, of truth,love, and hurt. Now that you are injuring, I'll carry you
with me,just please hold on. Loves not a loss, but it's nailed to my heart and crucified all that I held on, to be
waiting, anticipating, a touch such as yours. So much can be said through silence, as hard as it seems, all that we
need is too close to be seen. All of our lies, you built your walls for me to climb, a billion walls for me to die
inside. Mislead, misread, company your companion. I'll stand for nothing less or never stand again...what could we
have known...careful I'm drifting off,now losing taste and touch. I shoved the world away from here, drift to you,
you're all I hear. Life passes by with each breath, yet the monster I once created still stands in my soul. I can't
escape the fact that I love this monster. It creates a part of me,that you inspire. Most people would assume that
this monster is bad,as I let it remain in me,I say no it's not. It creates a part of my soul, it has a soul of its
own and it's my cover, it's my disguise. I would die inside of my head if it was not for this monster. It is life,
it is breath, it is my energy. You inspire this creation. I let myself fall into a lie, no matter how hard I try,
you push so far away, you wrapped your soul tight around my heart and squeezed it full of life. I can't believe the
way you took me down, I never saw the pain,coming in a million broken miles, like poison for my veins. I try to be
the person I suppose I am, in times of broken love,shattered dreams and plans. Standing up to fight, pleasure is in
demand. Staring at the knife, I hold in my hand. I look in the mirror and see you staring back at me. I take a deep
breath, put it back down, and move on... I would give up forever cause I know you can feel me. Every emotion that
flows through my heart,you can see in a glance of my eyes,a single tear that falls from my soul.Someone who sees so
clearly,not knowing what is best. Faces seem to blur,they are all the same. I look down my path, drink to what has
faded, hoping one day I will see that silhouette of my life come back into play, I hold this mask I bare over my
soul...until then, All Remains The Same...

-AmberG

"You can't blame me", Says the singer of the song Or the maker of the movie which he based his life on

So this is the first time in awhile I have really felt lost and free at the same time. I have so many things on my mind its unreal,but in a really awesome way.

I feel like those I once held dear to my heart are drifting away out of my life and I don't even think twice to save it. Those who I once would do anything and everything to hold on to are the ones I want out of my life and are willing to do anything to distance myself from them. I feel so distant from a lot of people and I am sacrificing those people in life for things I want to do in my life for myself. I am finally seeing who my real friends are and it's scary. I put so much faith in people and try to see the good in people, yet within in a flash they prove me wrong. I get judged for my actions, for those things that make me happy and quite frankly, I could careless. I feel this is a new start for me in life. For the first time I don't feel like I have to rely on someone else to make me happy, nor do I even want anyone to. I wanna do this chapter on my own. I don't care how many people I piss off in the process,  If you are truely my friend it will be proven, and at the end of the day you will be standing strong next to me. I finally feel free enough to make a huge change in my life instead of being stuck in this mold that I have been in for years. I am ready to bust out, take on life, take on struggle, say fuck the world and make my life what it is suppose to be.So many new things are entering my life and it's making me better day by day. I have learned my strong three characteristics are being passionate, driven, and loving. I have realized if I apply those three things to most things I do in life I will get where I want to be, one way or another. If you love your job, you will be more passionate about it and be driven to get where you wanna go. Just as if I love someone I am with I will be passionate with them and be driven to always make it work. It is always fun being adventurous with my mind. I love exposing myself to new things and deep down I always have this huge desire to just GO FOR IT, whatever it should be. I just randomly want to wake up one morning and tell myself I wanna go here or there and just do it. This is probably why I want to travel so much as well as skydive. I am finally doing what I want to do and it is getting me far, maybe no physically, but I am becoming so happy with life it's kind of unreal. Thank you for those who have helped me along the way. You mean a lot, and for new people entering my life, the smiles are amazing(you know who you are;). I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Thought of the day: I can not catch yawns from mexicans. hmmm who knew.

-AmberG

First Blog in awhile.

Hey whats up, So I have not blogged in a very long time and figured I would give it another go. I use to blog all the time, for no reason other than I like expressing how I feel about many things, even if no one reads about it. It gives me a peace of mind to just put my thoughts to a piece of paper(or shall I say, words to a blog page). Thats why I am here... no other reason then to just express how I feel about everyday things in my life. I will write about random subjects and I hope you enjoy. The first thing I will post is something I wrote about a year ago to try to understand why people are the way they are and how to still be confident in who I am without caring what people think of me, to take on the world with no regrets what so ever. Some people have read this and others haven't. It's something I am decently proud of if I do say so myself....

Let me enlighten you...

A time will come in your life where you suddenly realize no matter what you do, your days will always fit under the definition of pure chaos.

Every little thing you do, will always bother someone somewhere, so don't waste precious time trying to morph into someone else. All your "peers" will label you no matter how unique you may be, they will always find something to categorize you as.

You will grow up with friends, making more along the way, as you lose some.

You will go through pointless dramatic moments.

You will devote yourself to someone, and they will become a part of your soul, eventually they will blindside you and leave you alone so sudden, you will feel like a ghost, barely in existance. The mere mention of their name will make you feel as if your organs are being ripped to shreds. Everytime you try to explain the feeling to someone, you can't. Though there is thousands of ways, you can't find the words.

Your hobbies, your clothes, your opinions,your mind will change too many times to count.

Your trust will be shattered time and time again until you finally realize you can never depend on another human but yourself.

You will be engulfed with dissapointment in people you had so much faith in.

You will be weak.

But... trust me, all you need is an ounce of hope to grow into something so much bigger.

You will begin a journey to self-discovery.

You'll spend your nights wondering why certain things happened to you, and eventually you'll drown in self pity. 

Whether you want to admit it or not. 

Working your heart raw everyday, to make your life appear easy or close to "perfection".

Everyday you will feel your mind open up, and metamorphosis  into  something viciously  beautiful.

You will BEGIN your life.

I assure you, when you get there, 

you will realize it was all worth it.

The worst days of your life will become the best, in a way.

The past can only hurt you if you let it. 

No excuses,no regrets.

Just you, and a world full of opportunity.

Envision the world 

 with wisdom and  give your subconscious mind the space to expand and explore.

Remember all the words you just read, let them process in your mind, and find that ounce of hope,so you can...

Awaken your life.

&

Begin your future

-AmberG